i walked across an empty land
by george's firework
Summary: As the only man in a family of seven including himself and his mum Logan's had a rough life but when life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. But there are some situations when the lemons just won't juice.


**Disclaimer: I can only take credit for Eoghan, Logan and Logan's family - the other OCs mentioned belong to my dear friends :)**

So she was pregnant. She was pregnant and she was due in a week and the stares hadn't died down but she didn't care. She was pregnant and she was due in a week and she still hadn't decided what to do with the baby. She was pregnant and she was due in a week…

Rose Weasley cursed loudly and thumped her pillow with aggravation, hearing her dorm mates silently get up to go about their daily business, leaving the pregnant strawberry blonde (not ginger - never ginger) to deal with her own inner demons.

If only she hadn't sat down next to him. If only she hadn't taken so many swigs from that damn bottle of his. If only she'd pushed him off when he kissed her. If only she hadn't kissed him back.

"'If only' won't change anything, Rose," she muttered to herself and pushed the covers off her basketball-sized stomach so she could swing her legs out of bed and waddle to the bathroom. She did not like this whole being pregnant thing at all.

"C'mon, Archie, it's really not that hard," Logan said from the bed where he was lying under those damn white papery sheets again. Ever since his overdose a year ago he'd been in and out of the hospital wing more times than he could even count and he was getting so ridiculously sick of it but his body just kept failing him. He hadn't yet told anyone that he was in here for the most serious reason yet – he'd just passed it off as a cold.

"Yeah maybe not for you," Archie grumbled from the chair beside Logan's bed where he was juggling a plastic doll and an equally plastic bottle. "You raised five sisters and you started feeding babies and changing nappies when you were like eight. This stuff comes naturally to you. Yes I have my sisters too and I love them more than anything but I've never had to look after them in _this _way."

Logan just shook his head and watched Archie fondly. Once he'd got over the initial shock of the fact that Rose wasn't going to get rid of the baby and that he was therefore going to be a father he'd really opened up to Logan and they'd started spending a lot more time together. It wasn't until about a week ago that Logan had realised that Archie really didn't have a clue what he was doing so he had decided to take it upon himself to teach him.

* * *

"Urgh, Logan, I can't do this!" Archie cried with frustration, frowning down at the plastic doll in his arms. Logan had to suppress a chuckle – he never thought he'd see Archie Cooper holding a plastic doll.

"You just need to support her head more," he pointed out, then leaned over and took the doll from Archie and demonstrated. His friend groaned and buried his head in his hands.

"I'm going to be the world's worst father," he muttered. "I can't believe she's due next week. I am so not ready for this."

Logan opened his mouth to reply then frowned at various shouting sounds coming from just outside of the hospital wing. His face fell slightly as he distinguished Rose's voice yelling louder than all the others.

"You might have to learn how to be ready faster than you'd like," he muttered as the doors burst open and a bustling group of Weasley-Potters appeared with Rose in their midst, obviously in a great deal of pain as her family jostled her towards the nearest nurse. Ah, someone seemed to have gone into early labour.

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, ARCHIBALD COOPER," Rose yelled when she spotted Archie's shocked face on the other side of the wing before she was hurried off to a private room. Logan noticed his friend wasn't moving and put the doll down so he could shove him away from his bed.

"Go and get your hand crushed," he instructed and watched Archie stumble away like he was drunk. Oh dear.

* * *

"Want me to hold her for a minute?" Logan asked softly, watching Rose struggle to take her watch off one-handed. Archie had disappeared to get the bones in his hands fixed after Rose had successfully broken nearly all of them while she was giving birth. Logan was pretty sure Archie had actually been in more pain than Rose and found it rather hilarious but he would never say that to Archie's face.

Rose considered Logan thoughtfully for a few moments, twisting her mouth as she tried to decide. She didn't know Logan very well but he was a good friend of Archie's and Eoghan's and she knew he had had a pretty difficult past with his family though she didn't know the specifics. She did know, however, that he'd spent the past week trying to teach Archie how to care for a baby so maybe she could trust him to hold the small bundle of warmth she was cradling in one arm. She stood up and padded over to Logan's bed.

"Support her head," she said as she passed the tiny girl over but she could tell she didn't need to tell him. She was so ridiculously curious as to how he knew all of this stuff but she didn't question him as he carefully took her baby and cradled her close to his chest.

She plodded back over to her bed and glanced over at Logan and her daughter for a minute before she slipped behind the screen so she could get changed into something more comfortable than this hospital gown. It didn't bother her that Logan was holding her child, even if he was shirtless for some unknown reason, but it felt weird to have her so far away.

"Have you thought of a name for her yet?" Logan looked up at her questioningly when she reappeared by his side and held her arms out to take her baby. He carefully passed the sleeping girl back, smiling and gently drawing his fingers through the dark fluff on the top of her head as he let her go.

"Not yet," Rose said, deciding to settle herself on the bed beside Logan's instead of going back to her own. It'd be nice to have someone to talk to who could look at her without even the slightest bit of judgement appearing in his eyes. Logan had tried to kill himself – he knew exactly what it felt like to have the student body whispering behind his back.

"And what about the future?" He prodded softly. "Have you decided if you're going to keep her yet? I know you said a few weeks ago that you wanted to make a decision which both you and Archie agree on, but at the end of the day you'll be the one who feels the closest connection to her."

"I don't know," Rose said quietly, dropping a kiss to the tiny head resting in the crook of her elbow. "I don't know if I could bear giving her up, but then what would become of my future? I'd be a teenage mum with a child to support and absolutely no time for myself." She bit her lip, willing the tears which had suddenly appeared in her eyes to go away. Logan saw this and gently reached over to squeeze one of her hands.

"It'll be alright," he promised her, his eyes steady as they gazed into hers. "I raised my sisters pretty much single-handedly, four of them literally from birth, and I managed. And you're Rose Freaking Weasley, you can do anything." He noticed the curiosity in her eyes and sighed slightly. "My dad left when I was eight, just a few months after my second sister Tara was born. Mum's not entirely right in the head and Dad leaving was kind of the last straw so she just couldn't cope. I had to learn how to do everything by myself and I had to learn how to do it fast – it didn't help when Mum started falling into bed with strangers and before I really knew what was going on I had four sisters, an incapable mother and a possible future at Hogwarts. So, yeah, that's how I know pretty much everything about babies."

* * *

Archie tried, he really did. He tried to learn how to care for his daughter and provide for her and know what to do when she looked up at him with those giant brown eyes with their green flecks and started to cry. But he just didn't have the same knack with babies that Logan did so every time she started crying he would flounder for about ten minutes before Logan sighed and took over with that gentle patience he'd always had and Archie would be left sighing with frustration.

"Come on Mia, smile for Daddy," Logan cooed, bouncing the small girl in the confines of his hospital bed. But she didn't smile for Daddy, she never did. She smiled for Mummy and she smiled for Uncle Logan and for Uncle Jem and for Uncle Eggy but she never smiled for Daddy and it broke Archie's heart.

"Logan, why is it you're in here again?" Archie asked, not being rude but just genuinely wondering what his friend was doing back in the hospital wing. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Logan when he wasn't lying in the second bed on the left in the room that was too clean and too white and it really worried him. He'd thought that the all-clear his friend had received two weeks after he woke up from the coma so many months ago would be the last of it but apparently he was wrong.

"Huh? Oh, I burnt myself on a cauldron this morning," Logan said as Mia's cries died down and she started making soft gurgling noises instead. He chuckled softly and reached for the baby bottle sitting on his bedside table and offered it to the little girl who latched onto it immediately.

A frown appeared on Archie's face as he scanned his friend for any sign of this so-called burn and when he found no signs of any damage whatsoever, he raised a disbelieving eyebrow at Logan.

"The nurses have already fixed it but they're just waiting on the results of a blood test in case any of the potion I was making leaked into my bloodstream," Logan said absently at Archie's frown, pulling the bottle away from Mia and lifting her automatically to his shoulder so he could burp her.

Archie just sighed and buried his head in his hands.

* * *

"He's learning slowly, you know," Logan said to Rose one day as they sat beneath the tree beside the Black Lake, watching Archie feed Mia. "And when I say slowly I mean slower than a freaking snail, but he's still learning. Did you notice she doesn't cry when he picks her up anymore?" Rose laughed softly as they watched Archie put the bottle back into the baby bag and hesitantly lifted Mia to his shoulder to burp her. He still hadn't quite recovered from the first time he'd tried it and she'd thrown up down the back of his new leather jacket.

"I've lost count of the number of times that he's turned to me and said he couldn't have done it without you," Rose told him as Jeremy and Eoghan appeared out of nowhere and started making faces at Mia behind Archie's back. "I don't think _I _could have done it without you which is weird given that a year and a half ago I'd barely said five words to you. And there's still so much to come." She shook her head, the sunlight catching her strawberry blonde hair as she sighed. "Don't suppose you want to move in with me and take on the full time job of being Mia's nanny after graduation?" She joked lightly and Logan smiled crookedly at her, tearing his eyes away from his friends who were all cooing over Mia so he could look at Rose.

"You know I'm only a stone's throw away when you need me," he told her gently, leaning back to rest against the wide trunk of the tree as he kicked off his shoes to dip his feet in the crystal water at the edge of the lake. Rose looked at him gratefully and then frowned.

Taking advantage of the fact that his eyes were closed, she gave him a thorough looking over and she did not like what she saw. Had he always been so ridiculously pale? She had always thought of him as quite tanned and she was absolutely certain his skin had never had that grey tinge to it before, nor had she ever noticed the dark shadows beneath his eyes which looked like bruises because they were so dark.

"Logan, have you been getting enough sleep?" She asked, making a grab for his hand and nearly recoiling at how delicate it felt. She didn't let her shock show on her face as she gently squeezed his hand, her heart stuttering slightly as she noticed how bony his fingers were and felt how sharply his knuckles were straining against his skin. Now that she was looking at him she realised he had lost an awful lot of weight – she was absolutely sure she would have been able to see his ribs if he wasn't wearing a shirt. She could definitely see that she would be able to fit her hand around his wrist with ease if she tried and that had never happened before. She glanced up from his hand to see he was eyeing her warily and she really hoped it was just because she was behaving strangely, not because he was about to lie to her about something.

"Not really, now that you mention it," he said and she relaxed slightly. It must have just been because she was acting strangely. "I've just been having a few rough nights; my ankle's been bothering me again."

She always forgot how much he'd been through in the past year. She really didn't know anyone else who could still be smiling the way that he did after everything that had happened. He'd been temporarily paralysed from the neck down after an overdose of pain meds after he saw his sort-of girlfriend kissing someone else, then he'd been on an emotional rollercoaster which involved him believing he was in love with Jeremy until kissing him had snapped him out of it. Then things had finally looked up when he met Ariel until he broke his ankle and landed himself back in the hospital wing for another three weeks when he went into cardiac arrest for reasons which were still unknown to the nurses and only survived because his body shut down and he was in a coma for a week. Then there had been a fire in his dorm which had brought back terrifying memories from his childhood and given him a new burn scar on his left forearm to match the one he'd had on his right since he was six and two weeks after that he broke his ankle yet again when he tripped down the stairs on his way to breakfast. After over six months of nothing bad happening, apart from several unexplainable trips to the hospital wing, he and Ariel had had an absolutely massive fight and broken up – not even Jeremy and Danika knew the reason behind the fight, only Ariel and Logan had that information and neither of them had yet shared it with their friends.

"In fact, I think I'm going to go and have a nap," Logan announced, hauling himself to his feet and interrupting Rose's inner reflection of his various trips to the hospital wing. "I'll see you at dinner." He waved cheerfully and walked off but Rose didn't miss the way he was limping slightly.

"Where's Logan going?" Rose looked away from Logan's back as Archie, Eoghan and Jeremy plopped down around her and she automatically reached over to take Mia from Archie's arms, needing the familiar comfort of her tiny warmth.

"He said he's not been getting much sleep recently so he went to take a nap," she replied, rocking Mia gently and only looking up at Jeremy's noise of disbelief.

"'Not been getting much sleep'?" He repeated, eyebrows furrowing. "Rose, pretty much all he does these days is sleep, study and take care of Mia. I can't remember the last time I went up to our room and didn't find him dead to the world on his bed. Seriously, he's no fun anymore. I think I'm going to disown him if he continues to lack in the entertainment factor."

* * *

Rose tapped gently on the deep blue door of the seventh year boys' dorm and opened it quietly when she didn't receive any answer.

She had left Mia in the company of her father and her "uncles" when Jeremy had revealed that Logan had been getting more than enough sleep, meaning there was no explanation for his odd behaviour that was immediately obvious to Rose. Sure enough when Rose tiptoed into the room Logan was fast asleep on his bed, still fully dressed and curled up like a child, his face crumpled in a frown. A small sigh left her mouth and she crept over to sit on the bed beside him, waiting for him to wake up.

As she waited she took the time to look him over again, her eyes resting on his face this time. Somewhere along the line between Mia being born and this day right now, she had to admit that she'd developed a small crush on him. She didn't know whether it came from seeing him play with her daughter and look after her on a daily basis, or if it was because she'd gotten to know him so much better through Archie even after they'd decided not to be romantically involved, or if it was just because he was so damn beautiful. It wasn't a word she often used to describe men but honestly, he really was beautiful. His chiselled cheekbones, his strong jaw, his feathery brown hair, his flawless skin, his smiley mouth, his eyes that seemed to be a different shade of that beautiful stormy blue-grey every day. He was stunning – and that was without even a single mention of his body.

She didn't have to wait long for him to wake up – she'd learnt over the past few months that he had some sort of sixth sense that told him when someone needed him because there were so many times in the hospital wing when he'd got out of his bed before Mia had even started crying.

"Rosie?" He asked blearily, blinking up at her with confusion as he attempted to wake up properly. "What're you doin' in here? Everythin' alright?" He yawned widely and shifted until he was sitting up and facing her.

"Why did you tell me you've not been sleeping well when Jeremy says that all you've been doing is sleeping?" She demanded, trying to hide the hurt she was feeling. Okay, so maybe it was more than a small crush and maybe she hated it when he lied to her and maybe she'd been secretly thrilled when he and Ariel broke up but he didn't know that. This was Logan Einaudi and he was possibly the most oblivious boy she had ever met in her life because she hadn't exactly been hiding it and Jeremy and Eoghan and Archie teased her about it whenever they had the chance but he just didn't have a clue. But right now she was not focused on that, she was focused on finding out _why _he lied and _what _he wasn't telling her.

"It feels like I haven't been sleeping well," Logan tried weakly and her eyes flashed. He sighed softly, knowing he wouldn't be able to lie to her for much longer. It was a miracle he'd managed to keep everyone in the dark this long, especially Rose with her quick wit and her sharp brown eyes with their beautiful green flicks that saw everything and missed absolutely nothing.

"And just how long have you been feeling like this?" She snapped, flicking her strawberry blonde curls over her shoulder and gazing at Logan, willing him to tell her the truth.

"Two months," he muttered under his breath, looking away from her. Rose settled her chin in her hands and thought for a moment.

"When you and Ariel broke up?" she guessed and he nodded. She winced internally, immediately jumping to the conclusion that this must mean he was still in love with her. She couldn't think of any other reason as to what it would have to do with Ariel. "So you're still in love with her then?" Don't cry, Rose. He's just another guy… another guy who was now staring at her, his expression completely aghast.

"You think I'm still in love with Ariel?" He said incredulously, looking like he was struggling to contain his laughter. "Rose, we broke up for several reasons. One of which was because she had her suspicions that I had moved on to someone I had been spending a great deal of time with and, well, in that respect she was right." He smiled shyly up at her and Rose had to admit that her stomach might have flipped. Did she mention his smile was like sin?

"Me?" She asked softly as he shuffled closer to her and slid his hand over hers.

"You," he confirmed and her stomach flipped again. "Jeremy sat me down last night, slapped me in the face and then just told me to watch your face when I came into a room – I'm not joking, he actually did slap me. It kind of hurt quite a lot but I did what he told me and it just kind of dawned on me that perhaps you might return my feelings."

He had feelings. There were feelings there and they were of a more than platonic way which meant he didn't just see her as the girl who was the mother of his best friend's son. But wait… One of several reasons? Her mind flickered back to how depressed he'd been after that huge fight which had ended in them breaking up and she knew he wasn't telling her everything – even if what he was telling her made her happier than having a bubblegum slushie for breakfast.

"One of several reasons?" She prodded quietly and he sighed, obviously having thought he'd distracted her sufficiently so she wouldn't question him further. Quite automatically he tangled their fingers together, as if he'd always been doing it, and leaned against the headboard.

"We were arguing because she wanted me to tell people but I didn't want to say anything." He ran his free hand through his hair and looked away from her guiltily. For some reason unknown to her, Rose's stomach dropped.

"Say anything about what?" She demanded, her voice low and dangerous. When he didn't reply she repeated her question. "Say anything about _what_, Logan?"

For a long moment he didn't say anything, he just looked at her until she felt quite unnerved. Eventually he let go of her hand, got off the bed and took his shirt off. She had just opened her mouth to ask him if he was trying to distract her with both his abs and the way his ribs were sticking out (she had been right earlier then) when he turned around and her words froze in her throat at the sight of his back.

The tumour wasn't huge but the angry red patches which were blossoming across the small of his back were enough to make Rose feel sick. The little gasp she made must have clued Logan in on that fact because he put his shirt back on and sat down across from her again, his expression grim as he watched her.

"How long?" She eventually choked out, not wanting to decide if she was asking how long he'd known or… the only other option available with a question like that.

"I first noticed it a month after Mia was born but I thought it was just a rash," he said softly. "Ariel saw it a few weeks later once it had grown a bit and she convinced me to go to the hospital wing to have it checked out but by then it was too late. That was the same day we broke up, because she wanted me to tell people but I didn't want to cause anyone any more pain than was necessary," he said, looking at his hands.

"What do you mean 'too late'? Logan, tell me!" She already knew. She could feel it deep down in her gut but she didn't want to admit it to herself. They had just found each other, she didn't want to know. So why was she asking?

"Treatment now would be extremely harsh and just as life-threatening. The nurses reckon I have a month left at most." He felt her weight leave the bed and glanced up just in time to see her disappearing out of the door.

* * *

"You have to tell them." Barely half a day had gone by before Rose had come back with the realisation that she had to make the most of any time they had left together. She still couldn't quite comprehend what was going on, she still felt completely sick to her stomach but she needed to be with him.

She was sitting on his lap now, her arms wrapped securely around his neck and her face red. So she realised that she had to make the most of the time, but she'd still spent a good half an hour screaming at him for being such a freaking… She couldn't find the right word to describe him because he was being both selfish and selfless at the same time by not wanting to tell anyone.

"Rosie, I can't," he said softly. "You reacted badly enough to the news, do you have any idea what Jem will do? When I tried to kill myself last year he didn't speak to me for about a week because he was so furious I would do something like that. If I just go quietly it'll be less painful because he won't have time to freak out and try to sacrifice himself to save me or something to that effect."

"Logan, you've got it all wrong. He reacted like that last year because you did it without talking to him and without thinking about the effect it would have on him," she chastised gently, smoothing her thumbs slowly along the bruise-like shadows beneath his eyes. "If you tell him now he'll be able to make the most of his time with you and that will make it easier for him to find closure… afterwards." She swallowed the tears which threatened to prevent her speaking. She was having enough difficulty accepting the fact that he was… dying without crying. She'd already done enough crying and she hadn't even been able to give Al a decent explanation as to why she had ruined the shoulder of his freshly washed shirt.

"Rose…" Logan sighed, leaning forwards and pressing his forehead to hers.

"Please?" She pleaded, swallowing again but being unable to get rid of the tears this time. One of them spilled over and she felt Logan's thumb on her cheek, wiping it away before it could fall to his lap. "Please tell them, for me? I'll never be able to look Jeremy in the eye if-" A sudden knock on the door of Logan's dorm interrupted her sentence.

"Logan, you awake and decent?" A familiar voice called and Logan stared at Rose for a long moment before he nodded once. She nodded too and hopped off his lap, making her way over to the door. She opened it and looked up at the three boys, not even making an attempt to smile as they frowned down at her with confusion.

"Well, this kills two birds with one stone," Archie commented hesitantly and held Mia out to her. Rose took her gratefully and immediately buried her face in her daughter's soft hair, attempting to hide the tears they had already seen. "What's going on, guys?"

Jeremy had walked straight past Rose and settled himself on Logan's bed beside him and the two of them were having one of their silent conversations. Logan eventually nodded and Jeremy grinned, then turned around to look at the other boys.

"They're finally together," he announced happily and Rose let out a choked sob. Logan's face crumpled at the sound and he stood up, wincing slightly as he walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her, whispering something in her ear as he gently stroked her hair. Eoghan watched them with a frown and closed the door before following Archie to sit on Jeremy's bed. Logan looked up from Rose to find his three mates staring at them with completely nonplussed expressions. He took a deep breath.

"I have something to tell you," he said softly, leading Rose back over to his bed and sitting on it so he could pull her down beside him, careful not to knock Mia, "which I should have told you a long time ago when Ariel and I first argued about it."

There was a long silence in the room as Logan struggled with his thoughts, Rose struggled with her emotions and the other three struggled with their confusion.

"Well come on then, tell us before the end of the month," Eoghan eventually joked and was shocked when Rose burst into tears and hurried out of the room. "My joke wasn't that bad, was it?" He asked the others and Jeremy and Archie shook their heads but Logan just sat there, staring numbly at the soft blue covers he had slept under for nearly seven full years.

"Rose was crying because… because I might not be here at the end of the month," he said eventually, his voice shaking as he turned his face away so they wouldn't see just how hard he was trying not to cry.

"But… where are you going? We have exams coming up," Archie protested softly as Jeremy drew in a harsh gasp through his teeth.

"Logan," he said softly but his friend wouldn't look up. He placed his hands on Logan's shoulders. "Logan, look at me," he said again, his voice just as soft but more insistent. Logan looked up as the first tear escaped and Jeremy thought he was going to throw up. "Logan, why might you not be here? Logan, tell me," he demanded, his voice shaking just as much as Logan's had a few moments ago.

"I'm dying," he said simply. Jeremy crumpled.

* * *

Logan was going home. He had told his friends and he had told the school and now it was time to tell his family.

"Logan, I don't understand why we need to go home," Phoebe protested as Logan's friends arrived to see him off. Jeremy's lips were pale and tight, Eoghan wasn't eating anything for once and Archie's hair wasn't in his normal quiff. His friends were a complete mess. "Mum's fine, Tara's fine, the twins are fine and Natalie's fine, so why are we leaving? You have exams in a couple of weeks, surely you need to study? I won't come with you until you tell me!" Phoebe actually stomped a heeled boot on the floor and Logan groaned, looking beseechingly at Jeremy who groaned too before rooting deep within himself for his charming smile. Normally it would come to him naturally but now… he was just too shocked and upset to be charming without trying.

"You know, Pheebs, if I were you I wouldn't be complaining about the fact that I get a bit of time off school," he said coyly, stepping closer to her and smiling down at her, his eyes slightly hooded. Logan grimaced and looked away – he had hoped Phoebe would have got over his best friend by now and this probably would not help in any way at all. A few minutes of sweet talking later and Phoebe sighed and gave up, eyeing Jeremy suggestively as she took Logan's outstretched hand and let her brother Apparate them home.

"Phoebe! Logan!" Tara squealed when they appeared in the kitchen. She immediately put her violin down and ran towards her siblings, throwing herself into Logan's arms like she was five again. Unfortunately she was nearly eleven so when her weight collided with him Logan staggered backwards, trying to ignore the pain as her legs locked around his back and she squeezed him tightly.

"Tara… Can't… Breathe…" he gasped and she immediately drew away so he could suck some much needed air into his lungs. Phoebe made a sound of shock behind them and Logan glanced over his shoulder to see her staring at his back where his shirt had ridden up when Tara hugged him. Shit…

"So is that why we needed to come home?" She gritted out between her teeth, trying to keep up her 'I'm a big girl' image. It worked for all of two minutes before she bit down hard on her bottom lip, instantly turning into the little girl who cried if her porridge was too hot. Logan carefully put Tara down and told her to go and get her sisters and their mother, if she was awake.

"How long have you known?" She demanded when Tara was out of sight.

"Since February," he said softly and then suddenly Phoebe was in his arms and sobbing into his chest. He hugged her tightly to him and buried his face in her hair as he realised she hadn't hugged him since he had overdosed.

"You can't die," she cried as he stroked her hair, trying desperately to calm her down before Tara came back with their sisters and saw Phoebe in such a mess. "You can't, I won't let you die. You're my big brother, you can't die. You can't, you just can't!"

"What can't Logan do?" Tara chirped, bouncing into the kitchen with her little sisters and mother in tow. "Logan can do everything, can't he?"

"I think we all need to sit down," Logan said softly over the top of Phoebe's head as she tried to stop her tears. "And I also think we could all do with a big mug of hot chocolate, yeah?"

Twenty minutes later they were all sitting at the worn kitchen table clutching mugs of hot chocolate with various toppings.

"Logan what's skin cancer?" Natalie asked innocently as she gazed up at her brother. Tara was staring numbly at her marshmallows and Phoebe was trying to comfort her mother whilst stopping her own tears but Lizzie, Danielle and Natalie were all looking at Logan with confusion, not understanding why their mother was crying or why their oldest siblings were here in the middle of the school year. It really hurt Logan to have to tell his sisters this, but they'd been through so much already and he just couldn't lie to them.

"It's a disease," he said softly as his smallest sister climbed into his lap and snuggled against his chest, "but it's not just like a cold or anything like that, it's much more destructive than that. Unfortunately mine is beyond a stage where it can be cured, so you have to promise me that you'll take care of your sisters and your mother when I'm gone, okay?" She looked up at him, obviously still not completely understanding what was going on.

"Logan, are you going to visit grandma?" Lizzie asked from her place by her twin's side and at that Logan just broke down completely and started crying into Natalie's soft brown curls. Distressed by her brother's tears, Natalie started crying too and the twins both burst into tears at Logan's small nod. They didn't know where grandma had gone, but they hadn't seen her for ages and they didn't like it. A pair of arms wrapped tightly around Logan's shoulders and he recognised Phoebe's perfume as he felt her tears splashing into his hair. Natalie's weight disappeared momentarily as Tara picked up her little sister so she could climb into Logan's lap, not sure when she'd started crying. A smooth hand clutched Logan's tightly and he glanced up from Tara's head to lock gazes with his mother who stared wordlessly back at him.

They turned the living room into a heaven of mattresses and bedding that night and all slept cuddled up together until it was impossible to tell which tear came from which person.

* * *

The last month of Logan's life was the happiest month of his life. He returned to Hogwarts after a week at home with his family but he left an empty house behind because they had insisted on coming back with him. The school accommodated them without a complaint, because who were they to send a boy home when his dying wish was to spend all his time left at Hogwarts with everyone he loved most?

Exams were cancelled that year because everyone who knew Logan even a little bit was too distraught to do any work at all. Nobody really knew how exactly the news about Logan's disease got out but Logan was pretty sure he spoke to more people in that month than he'd spoken to for the entire duration of his life at Hogwarts.

It was kind of surreal, preparing for his own death. The nurses made sure he was as comfortable as he possibly could be and he ate like a king but it was still obvious that his death was quickly approaching. He grew thinner and paler as the days flew by and he started spending more time lying down than he did on his feet. Rose had basically moved into his dorm, as had Archie and Eoghan, and they all spent long nights talking about everything and anything, reminiscing over all the good times that had happened over the last seven years.

Their small group stopped going to classes and spent their days out in the sunshine by the Black Lake playing with Mia and laughing as Tara, the twins and Natalie explored the grounds with delight. Logan was there when Mia started crawling and Rose always swore that her daughter had said her first words the last time they all sat by the lake together.

Jeremy and Logan became pretty much inseparable and Rose made a few light complaints that Jeremy should be the one calling Logan his boyfriend instead of her but she didn't really mind. She knew Jeremy hadn't fully accepted everything yet and he needed to spend as much time with his best friend as possible.

"You're the best friend I'll ever have," Jeremy said to Logan one day as he pushed his wheelchair around the grounds. His legs had started to fail him and Jeremy had refused to take the risk of Logan possibly collapsing alone somewhere in the castle even though it was rare to find him without someone by his side so he had demanded that Logan was given a wheelchair. No one would deny Jeremy that simple request when it was obvious they were running out of time.

"Don't say that," Logan chided softly when they stopped by the lake, far away from the castle and their normal spot beneath the tree. It was just them; Jeremy had woken Logan up and pulled him from Rose's sleeping form so they could have some time to themselves.

"You know I wouldn't say it if it was true," Jeremy sighed, conjuring up a chair for himself and sitting down beside his best friend, the two of them gazing out over the mirror-like surface of the water. "I don't know what I'm going to do without you. And I can't even say that in a sappy 'I don't know what I _would _do if I lost you' sense because this is real and it's happening and nothing I can do will change that. I love Eoghan and Archie to d- with all my heart and I always will but I'll never have the same bond with them that I have with you. We've been through so much together, Logan, good and bad – especially over this past year."

"I think bad is a bit of an understatement," Logan joked weakly and Jeremy looked at his friend sadly, reaching out and gripping his hand as if he was trying to make sure he was still there and still real because he just looked so tiny, swaddled in his blankets with one of Jeremy's beanies on his head. He hadn't gone through chemotherapy so he hadn't lost any of his hair but Jeremy still insisted on covering every part of skin that he could possibly cover without shoving a balaclava over Logan's head.

"Yeah, that's true but it covers the not-quite-alright moments and the am-I-actually-awake-because-this-feels-like-a-nightmare moments so I'm just going to stick with bad," Jeremy replied, shifting closer to his friend and taking a deep breath when Logan rested his head on his shoulder and closed his eyes. "I still haven't decided if your brief stint of being gay for me comes under good or bad," he teased and Logan let out a soft chuckle. Jeremy had to swallow hard to get rid of the tears that threatened to fall as he realised that he might never hear Logan's melodic laugh again.

"I'd say it comes under the weird but interesting miscellaneous category," he said quietly, squeezing Jeremy's hand gently as if he knew his friend was on the edge of breaking down completely. "You sweet talking my sister, however, most definitely comes under the I-totally-wanted-to-throw-up category." Jeremy laughed loudly and Logan smiled, happy to have distracted his friend from his less happy emotions.

"She would never have gone with you if I hadn't," he reminded him and Logan shuddered slightly at the memory.

"When we weren't talking about the disease she wouldn't shut up about you," he shared and Jeremy groaned. "She spent our last three days at home planning her outfit for the next time she saw you. This is what you get for being so damn charming – no wonder I thought I was in love with you." The two of them laughed again before sobering up – neither of them could ever stay cheerful for long after Logan mentioned his illness.

Jeremy often tried to forget it was happening so they could just laugh like they always did but it was impossible to ignore what was so obviously there. He only had to look at Logan and see his hollow cheeks and the shadows beneath his eyes and he would be reminded that his best friend was dying and they only had a few days left together, or a week at most. It was possibly the most terrifying thing that had ever happened in his life, including that occasion over a year ago when Dino had found Logan dying in their room, because it was fear that built up as the days passed.

"Logan, I'm scared," he admitted softly and their eyes met. Logan's storm-coloured stare was calm and steady compared to the watery emerald of Jeremy's eyes and he bit his lip and closed his eyes tightly as he brought his friend's hand up to his mouth and kissed the back of it, then rested his forehead against it and let the tears spill over.

"Don't worry, Jem," Logan said in a voice that was just as quiet as Jeremy's but which held so much more emotion. "I'm not."

* * *

He could feel it coming. Even as he watched Archie throw Mia in the air, laughing at her squeals of delight, and watched Eoghan teach Tara how to play her favourite songs on his guitar and watched Natalie play with Jeremy's hair he could feel it coming. Rose was tucked into his side like normal and he must have tensed because she looked up at him with concern. He smiled down at her.

"I'm fine," he reassured at her questioning glance and she nodded slightly and looked back at the scene before them, knowing he wouldn't admit to being in pain even if it was crippling.

"Oh so you think it's funny to put my hair in a ponytail do you?" There was a squeal of laughter from Jeremy's bed and Logan smiled fondly as his best friend started tickling Natalie mercilessly, the scene made even funnier by the fact that Jeremy's curly hair was indeed in a simple but effective ponytail, tied with a glittering pink ribbon.

"No, Tara, you have to put your fingers _here_, you can't just make up your own chords." Eoghan was almost crying with frustration as Tara beamed toothily up at him and happily strummed away at the guitar, singing out her own version of Lady Antebellum's song Need You now. Logan almost groaned out loud at the sparkles in his sister's eyes – he couldn't stand for another one of his sisters to be crushing on another one of his mates.

"You're going to be the most spoilt little girl in the wizarding world," Archie was cooing to Mia as he sat down on one of the many beds that were now crammed into the dorm. "And that's all because you're Daddy's little princess, isn't that right?" Logan shook his head, a smile on his face as he watched Archie gently brush his daughter's soft black curls.

It was nice, having everyone here like this. His other dorm mates had completely understood when the school had asked them to room with their friends for a month or however long and so Jeremy had conjured up more beds for everyone. Rose was sleeping in Logan's bed with him, Jeremy and Eoghan were sharing Jeremy's bed and Archie had taken Lysander's so he could sleep with Mia's cradle by his side. The twins were sharing, naturally, and Phoebe had insisted on sharing the last double with Natalie. His mother and Tara were sleeping in the two single beds that Jeremy had created and even though it was tight, it was comfortable.

The mattress dipped slightly beside him and Logan glanced up to see Phoebe sitting silently beside him, her hair up in a ponytail and her shorts showing off her long legs. He was absolutely certain she'd only bought those pyjamas with Jeremy in mind and it made him uncomfortable but he didn't say anything. He'd complained about the way she dressed enough times in his life and he didn't want to spend his last night complaining. He just wanted to appreciate every small thing as it came.

He reached over and squeezed her hand gently, then turned back to watch as everyone made their various preparations for bed. He could see the way Phoebe was watching Jeremy out of the corner of his eye and a small sigh escaped him as he realised it wouldn't be all that bad if they ended up together. Maybe they would find comfort in each other after he died and it would lead from one thing to another and… Rose nudged him sharply in the ribs, knocking him back into reality.

"Stop over thinking it," she said softly and he grinned guiltily at her then stood up to go and brush his teeth. When he was done he stared at himself in the mirror for a few moments, his fingers ghosting over a face that was barely recognisable as his own. He felt… extraordinarily calm for someone who knew that tonight would be their last. He hadn't been lying when he'd told Jeremy that he wasn't scared – he'd had over three months to come to terms with the fact that his life was coming to an end and he had accepted it, even if no one else had.

He changed into his pyjamas and padded back into the bedroom, slipping beneath the covers to join Rose in his bed as the rest of the room took it in turns to go into the bathroom, do their teeth and get changed. For some reason they always waited for Logan to go first before they followed, apart from Rose who just got changed into her pyjamas whenever she couldn't be bothered wearing school uniform anymore. She made a small sound of content and shifted over so she could rest her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. He couldn't help but wonder if he had more or less than a thousand beats left and his heart seemed to speed up slightly, as if it were determined to make the most of its last few hours.

After twenty minutes or so Jeremy left the bathroom, extinguishing the small, contained flames which lit it before he closed the door. There was a chorus of good night wishes and Logan had a dozen kisses pressed to his forehead before Jeremy knelt down beside his bed took his hand in his for what was now their normal nightly routine.

"Logan, I'm scared," he said quietly and Logan felt the smile twist his lips as the guilt twisted his stomach.

"Don't worry, Jem," he said cheerfully, squeezing his friend's hand like he had done every night before and like he wished he could do every night for so much longer. "I'm not."


End file.
